When Were You the Happiest?

I’ve had a rough couple weeks.

Whenever my energy feels heavy, or I'm confused or overwhelmed, I often write to untangle my mind.

When our heads are swirling with thoughts, ideas, and emotions, it’s difficult to think straight and stay focused on anything for any length of time.

This complicates life.

I grabbed my notebook this morning and started writing things I am grateful for, which is my go-to prompt to get my mind positive and the words flowing. It led me to ask myself a question:

When was I the most happy?

I sat with this for a few minutes and thought about the different phases and stages of my life.

When I was a kid I wouldn’t say I was ever super happy about life- because I remember just wanting to be a grown up so I could do whatever I wanted. There were certainly happy times, but I wouldn’t say at any stage of childhood was a phase of utter bliss. I had an abusive older brother and strict (but great) parents; I just wanted to be free.

These same feelings continued into my teenage years; I worked, had a car and independence, and was able to do some things that I wanted to do, but it really just felt like a waiting period. My 18th birthday couldn’t come soon enough. The freedom of adulthood and not being told what to do or what not to do was the only driving force for me.

So when I thought back to the last 20 years- pretty much my entire adult life- some periods stood out.

When was I the happiest?

There were 3 times above everything:

#1: In my late teens and early 20s when I lived on my own (autonomy was absolutely everything I thought it would be). I was working full-time at something I was good at and used talents, gifts, and skills that came naturally to me- people, customer service/sales, and dministrative/management. I was focused and working on my goal of home ownership, and I was advancing my career, saving money, and being productive.

#2 In my mid-twenties after I bought my house- a new level of autonomy and personal responsibility I loved- owning something that was entirely my responsibility and managing it the way I wanted. I was making memories with friends, traveling, and still working on career advancement, working both a full-time job in the same industry and moonlighting my own business on the side. I was learning, growing, expanding, and evolving.

#3 The first 2 years of my 30s, when I did a solo trip around the world. (I got burnt out from the hustle of my 20s and decided I needed a complete 180). During these 2 years of travel, I did nothing but follow my intuition and inspiration, doing only what I felt like and what my soul needed at the time. I spent time exploring myself through introspection and journaling, exploring the surrounding area’s culture and history, or being social. I was expanding, learning, and growing on a deeper level.

After I wrote these things down, I re-read them a few times and tried to find similarities and common denominators between them. These were not times when I was in relationships, and they were not fleeting times. They were entire phases of my life that I had an overarching feeling of life satisfaction, and that I felt good about myself.

The themes I picked up on were:

Looking at this list I sensed that these are some driving forces in my life and on my journey. I’ve known for a long time that freedom is one of my highest values- freedom to live in a place and in a way that I feel truly free to be myself, without restriction by anyone or anything else (culture, society, or a person).

I have worked hard to build that aspect of my life and think that these other themes above are some of my values in addition to freedom.

I am not a competitive person with others, but I love challenging myself and learning. I have always loved goals and working towards something, not just for the achievement in itself but for the person I become along the way.

Evolving as a person has always been an important aspect of my life- I remember even asking friends when I was a kid how I could be a better friend or a better person. I used to ask for ‘honest time’ from them and request feedback about myself as a person. I realize now this was probably unusual for a 7 or 8 year-old kid, but throughout my life, I have always valued personal growth and the evolution of self.

And maybe there was some level of self-awareness or curiosity about my existence shining through; that has been an important part of my journey later in life as well.

When it comes to living our lives in an authentic, meaningful way, I think finding things that resonate with our core self is the most crucial element. What works for one person may make another person feel unwell or uneasy. If we can be true to ourselves and find what lights us up inside, then the path becomes much more illuminated and enjoyable.

Through this morning’s little exercise, I gained some valuable insight into myself, my internal landscape, and a few clues to living a more empowering and fulfilling journey.

I invite anyone to ask yourself this simple question and see what comes up for you:

When were you the happiest?